In the Sufi creation story, the Universe existed as One, Divine, Totality of Energy at the beginning of time. While there was a fullness in this completion, there was also a (paradoxical) lack, as there was no "Other" in existence to gaze upon the One with love, awe, and devotion. So the Oneness of God existed at the beginning of time feeling a sort of Divine sadness - a deep longing to be seen, known, and loved by an Other. 

This was motivation for the Oneness to divide itself into the multi-faceted, myriad forms of all living beings. It was only then that it could experience the journey of re-uniting back into fullness, through the process of being seen, known, and loved by the Beloved. In a way, when we experience being seen, known, and loved by our own Beloved, we are experiencing pure, Divine communion - the purpose of existence itself. We are re-uniting with God, as God, through our sacred union.

The late, great Ram Das speaks of this sacred relationship as a sort of triangle. “One in which there are the two partners and a third force. This third force is that which emerges out of the interaction of these two partners. It is the shared awareness that lies behind the two of them. They are in this yoga of a relationship and have come together as one, in order to find the shared awareness that exists behind them, allowing them to then dance as two so that the twoness brings them into one and the oneness dances as two. That is the kind of vibrating relationship between the one and the two, so that people are both separate and yet they are not separate. But often, we come into a relationship very much identified with our needs at some level or other, and it really only gets extraordinarily beautiful when it becomes ‘us’ and then goes behind the ‘us’ and becomes ‘one.’”

I refer to this third force – the 'one' that is created between two people in a sacred relationship – as “The Big Heart,” and I believe that everything we do while in a sacred relationship should be dedicated, in some way, to nurturing The Big Heart. At the very least, neither partners' actions, thoughts, or motivations should be harmful to The Big Heart. But, ideally, all actions, thoughts, and motivations should be aligned in tender service to that that extraordinary third entity.

Another way to look at this is perceiving the relationship as a sacred ceremony - a continual, glorious, powerful, transformative ceremony. Whenever you and your partner are in each other’s presence, each of you holds the awareness that you are now in a holy space; you have entered a sacred ceremony. This mindset allows both of you to always be in each other's presence in an elevated state of consciousness - in the same reverent, heightened state of consciousness that you would bring to a sacred ritual. It's important that you practice this all the time. This is what I mean when I say, “the relationship itself is the spiritual practice.” If you can maintain a meditative, non-reactive, compassionate, peaceful, aware, ego-less, high-vibrational presence every moment when encountering your Beloved – you have certainly mastered something! But as I said, it’s a practice. An art. Like any spiritual path, it involves a constant becoming, ever deeper awareness, subtle refinements, and a constant revealing of the true self while annihilating all that's false inside you.

This might sound much more challenging than an average, status-quo relationship...but it's worth it! The fruits that a relationship bares when it's treated as holy are the most nourishing fruits - infinitely more nourishing than fruits from a relationship treated as anything less than Divine. As well, the initial challenge of continual, full & present, loving awareness eventually subsides as the practice becomes natural and effortless, leading to a partnership in which both lovers simply bask in the love & depth they've cultivated together.